June 2013
Mick fucking Foley on the daily show wtf!!!!!!!
worst headache ever
gotta reblog that crazy sex gif to let all my followers know i would do that sex act while doing the sex
I’m at half price and Tyler Perry has a book called “dont make a black woman take off her earrings”
look if nobody’s gonna stop Tyler Perry I’m gonna have to do it myself.
tonight i went out to dinner with my dad and sisters for father’s day and i was telling him about my plans for the next year and the first thing he told me is that I “really sound white”
the malcolm in the middle episode where malcolm and reese both think the other is gay is on
i think i pulled a muscle in my calf from running earlier. like, just from the mere fact that i was running for the first time in forever.
“I hate the phrase “One thing led to another”. What kind of lazy writing is that? Isn’t it your job as a writer to tell me how that made this happen? “Adolf Hitler was rejected as a young man in his application to an art school. One thing led to another…and the United States ended up dropping two atomic bombs on the sovereign nation of Japan”.”
—Brian Regan (via midnaization)
Brian Regan psychic joke
- Psychic: Did anyone here...lose a friend or family member...? ...Or know someone who did? ...Or hear about something like this on television? YES YOU IN THE MEZZANINE. I was getting a strong signal...This person passed on recently?
- Person in Audience: Twenty-five years ago
- Psychic: THAT RECENTLY!? Then I'm gunna be extra sensitive. I'm getting an M...The letter M...
- Person in Audience: His name was Beau Ziffer.
- Psychic: MISTER!? BEAU ZIFFER!? He died of natural causes, yes?
- Person in Audience: He was shot in the face with a bazooka
- Psychic: SO NATURALLY HE'D BE DEAD.
- Gameshow host: True or false - Pavlov's theory proves inferior beings will respond to a bell.
- Contestant: Um, true?
- *ding*
- Contestant: YEAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!